Tag Archives: birth control is a human issue

I’d Like to Opt Out of Opting Out

the post where i offend everyone

It is amazing any kind of law gets made, upheld, or overturned in this country. Such twisting and turning of words is required. You ladies waiting for birth control better put that aspirin back between your knees.

Yes, I did read the SCOTUS transcript in Zubik v. Burwell, otherwise known as

The Super Duper Catholic Sisters of the Poor

versus

ABSOLUTELY fair and reasonable access to insurance covered contraception

Arguments were heard today, March 23, 2016. Results to come out later this year. My guess is a 4-4 split because heaven forbid we get something done this year. (Senate, #DoYourJob!)

By the way, the rights of individual women in this country are apparently not as important as the rights of a group of nuns–nuns who believe contraception is such a sin they can hardly look at babies because of all the sinning it takes to make them.

Sure, these nuns do good works, but if we grade them on a curve I’d say they are fair to middling people at best. All we asked them to do was sign a piece of paper absolving them of any responsibility for providing contraception in the insurance plans they offer their non-nun employees. But somewhere in the New Testament there is apparently a verse that says signing the form banishes them to hell, so off to the Supreme Court they went. (Can you say redundant?)

These holy women are asking for exceptional accommodations and exemptions.

They are asking the Supreme to allow them to OPT OUT of the proposed OPT OUT method provided by the government.

Yes, they object to the very act of opting out, and so they want to opt out. The Opt Out Form is too much of a burden to their sincerely held beliefs. They would prefer to just let women suffer in silence.

Actually, what they want is for women to have two insurance plans. One is provided by the Sisters and it would cover all the non-sinful things. The other would be purchased separately through the ACA exchange. It would be done in a dark room across town so the nuns wouldn’t have to witness it. Rather than signing the form releasing them from all responsibility, these Brides of Christ would prefer to cover their eyes, stick their fingers in their ears, and sing La la la la I can’t hear you.

They KNOW many of their employees will be using birth control but the nuns get a pass into Heaven if they pretend otherwise.

I get it. I do. I think I do.

To be honest the arguments in this case are a bit convoluted and I did not go down the rabbit hole of precedents, but it seems to me the crux of this case is about how many degrees of separation does it take for a nun to feel like they are not literally forcing a birth control pill down your throat.  It’s more than six degrees because Kevin Bacon is far too sexy. If the nuns have it their way we’ll have to go the climb the YUUUUGE Mexico wall to get birth control pills mixed in a dirty garage laboratory south of the border. Their pious minds will be eased knowing we will have travel through the NO ABORTION CLINICS ALLOWED wasteland called Texas. Praise Jesus!

Look, I don’t wish endometriosis on ANYONE, but perhaps their God could teach them a little compassion and perspective?? Birth Control pills are not always prescribed to control birth. More importantly, it’s none of their damn business why someone needs, wants, or uses birth control.

Sign the damn form and say a prayer. God will understand.

Yeah, yeah, Mea Culpa, Me Paenitet.

You can read the SCOTUS mess here: http://www.supremecourt.gov/oral_arguments/argument_transcripts/14-1418_1bn2.pdf

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Filed under Feminism, Sexism, and Equality, Violence Against Women