According to the International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons (ISAPS) the USA is number one in plastic surgery, with breast augmentation being the most popular procedure.
Awesome! We’re #1!! USA USA USA
We’re all so proud. Congratulations to runners-up China and Brazil, where lipoplasty is the top procedure and not, surprisingly, the Brazilian Butt Lift. We have so many to thank.
We’d like to give a special shout out to the producers of Plastic Wives (click to watch a sneak peek). Plastic Wives is exactly the kind of hard-hitting documentary we love about the world of plastic surgeons. The show reminds us of all the good we do and is exactly the kind of top-notch programming we’ve all come to expect from TLC and Discovery Communications.
We would be remiss if we didn’t mention the fashion magazines and retail marketing gurus for their tireless work in photoshopping and their unyielding commitment to setting unrealistic standards of beauty.
Of course we mustn’t forget the health, beauty, and fitness industries without whom men and women across this great land of ours would never have developed the right amount of feelings of failure and guilt leading them to call on their local plastic surgeons.
It’s such a blessing to know how eager the citizens of the United States of America are willing to go to bat for us, your friendly local ISAPS affiliate. Your readiness to go under the knife in the name of meeting our society’s warped view of beauty and perfection without any regard to your health, safety, or natural human form has been amazing.
One might say, SHOCKING!
We are seriously stunned at how easily you were led to slaughter (is that a poor choice of words?) and allowed your body and mind to be manipulated by promises of eternal youth via scalpels, staples, sutures, surgical glue, burning lasers, medical grade botulism, fat suctioning machines (fat injecting also available), chemical and acid applications, enormous expense, and weeks of recovery, which often include great pain and the risk of serious infection causing the possibility of unplanned scarring and unexpected outcomes. Yay!
And you even come back for more with repeated voluntary cosmetic surgical “touch-up” procedures. Brava!
Yes, we here and Body-Manipulation-R-Us are proud to accept this honor and remind you you are only as beautiful as *WE* decide you are.
You look tired. Is that a new wrinkle? Here’s my card. Call me for a consult.
“I’m pretty convinced, in life there is nothing BOTOX can’t fix.”
~the wisdom of Plastic Wives
(Plastic surgery is an incredible tool in the treatment abnormal structures of the body caused by congenital defects, developmental abnormalities, trauma, infection, tumors or disease. Elective cosmetic surgery is something else completely and THAT is what I am satirizing here.)