Running With Scissors

Of all the things I set out to do with my writing, giving advice was never one of them. I fancy myself as more of a serial opiner rather than an advice giver. I am simply not built for the world of Dear Abby. I lack the compassion and I have a short attention span and, frankly, I’ve yet to come across any advice that can be universally applied to all people (even running with scissors can be justified under the right circumstances).

Run, run, as fast as you can!

Run, run, as fast as you can!

Let’s be honest, if you’ve read more than a few things I’ve written you know I am mostly full of attitude and observations. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, I am full of wisdom. Occasionally I am full of naïveté. I have even been full of myself, full of promise, full of piss and vinegar, full of awesome (fuck yeah!), full of shit, full of anger, full of despair, full of rage, full of questions, full of baloney, full of grace, full of cheer, full of hot air, full of joy, full of nonsense, full of uncertainty, and definitely full of sarcasm.

Never have I set out to be full of advice, and lord help the person who thinks I am.

Thankfully most people get it right away. They grasp the concept of free will. They come, they read, they possibly comment, and then they leave. Sometimes they come again and again. I can only assume those who return like what I say or at least enjoy the way I say things. That works for me. That works for them. It’s a benign symbiotic relationship.

As a blog reader myself, I approach what I read with the time honored philosophy that one should take what they need and leave the rest behind. No need to make a pointless fuss.

Of course, there are a few people who forget that this whole reading blogs thing is a voluntary activity.

Take Blair, for example.

Blair—hey, Blair, I like the gender neutral name—was obviously forced to come to my blog page. I say ‘forced’ because any normal person who didn’t agree with a blog post would simply move on and never give it another thought. But after reading just one—and probably just the first half of one—of my essays, Blair, poor, poor Blair, was compelled to send me an email saying that I am, and let me be sure to quote Blair accurately:

“…a terrible human being who should be convicted for emotional abuse….It is feminists like you that have inspired the Woman Against Feminism movement. It is feminists like you that allow me to earn a pay check writing anti-feminist literature.”

Oh Blair, who made you suffer through the rantings and ravings of an unapologetic feminist mother? Obviously your delete and/or close tab keys must have been disabled. And then you must write anti-feminist literature? Oh, the humanity!

Typically I wouldn’t give someone like Blair the time of day let alone a spotlight, but clearly Blair is crying out for our help. You see, Blair is special because he writes for Return of Kings. He’s trapped in that cave of ignorance and stupidity. Poor, poor weak-assed Blair.

If you’re not familiar with Return of Kings here is an excerpt from their website to give you a taste of their point of view:

“Return Of Kings is a blog for heterosexual, masculine men. It’s meant for a small but vocal collection of men in America today who believe men should be masculine and women should be feminine.”

And they add, ever so politely:

“Women and homosexuals are discouraged from commenting here.”

Their beliefs, which they outline for their readers, include things like “A woman’s value significantly depends on her fertility and beauty. A man’s value significantly depends on his resources, intellect, and character.”

Absolutely charming, isn’t it? And poor emasculated Blair is stuck there, forced to read feminist blogs and then send out poorly written and uninformed hate mail to writers like me, writers who mostly feel sorry for men like Blair.

So while I’m not in the business of giving advice, I’d suggest to Blair and his “small but vocal collection of men” that they run hard and run fast with a big, sharp pair of scissors. May you trip over your own egos. And if you can handle getting advice from a woman, Blair, I suggest you spend more time reading and less time sending out emails to women who I can guarantee will never give you the time of day again.


 “A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of women and men.” ~Gloria Steinem

P.S. If you want the web address to Return of Kings you’re going to have to get it yourself. I will not link to such garbage. Truly they are not worth your time.

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